A Better Plan

As I walked away in tears, I received a very personal insight into how Jesus’ disciples felt the day he left.

Picture this with me: Jesus has spent the last three years living, breathing, eating, sleeping, and brushing teeth with this eclectic group of men he called his disciples. I’m guessing they argued amongst one another, laughed at stupid things, and did the whole “I’m a cool guy” routine where they tried to out do each other in stupidity. I don’t know for sure, but I was raised with three brothers, so at least my guess is educated.

Regardless, they were CLOSE to Jesus. Their hearts were knit tightly with his. They were brothers, friends, and family to one another.

                  

And then Jesus makes an unexpected and equally devastating announcement, “I’m leaving you…”

                                                                                                         

When I started working at Hope, there was a spunky, middle-aged woman whose cubicle was right behind mine, and she always had the funniest stories. I just loved to sit and listen to her. Through story-time, I came to love this woman. We would laugh and giggle until we could hardly stand up straight, but then hug and cry as sadness after sadness hit my life. She is my dear friend in whom I love.

Today was her last day at Hope. My heart was broken and devastated as I had to say my sad goodbye. She would no longer be with me day in and day out. I could no longer run back to her cubicle for a good laugh or a much needed shoulder to cry on. She wasn’t going to be there for the moments I felt my sanity leaving me, or the moments where joy was bursting out of my skin.

Can you now imagine the depth of emotion Jesus’ disciples felt the moment he announced he was leaving them, and then even proceeded to tell them that it was BETTER this way? This was a man they had lived, traveled, and breathed with for three years. This was the man they ran to to laugh with and mourn with. They loved him. How could life possibly be better without him?

I saw only a glimpse today of the loss Jesus’ disciples went through over those few weeks. The wrestling, the heartbreak, the devastation, the loneliness. Just the thought of moving on without Him had to be overwhelming.

Thankfully, God DID have a better plan, whether the disciples could believe it at that moment or not. The plan was to send his Holy Spirit to reside in us, to be a comfort, a joy, and peace in the every day and the mundane.  And what an incredible gift that was.

Whether I can see it right now or not, I know God has a fabulous plan for my sweet friend, and for me, because He is good. He is always good. And His plans are always good. That, for sure, I never have to doubt.

“In all things, God works for the good of those who love him…” Romans 8:28

All my love,

Paige

Missing the Miracle of the Loaves

For they considered not the miracle of the loaves: for their heart was hardened. 

Mark 6:52 (KJV)

Is my heart hardened? Do I understand? Am I missing it?

God has done many miraculous and awe-inspiring things right before my eyes, but do I take them to heart? Do I sit and revel in the marvelous of what God has done? Because if not, I miss it. I miss the miracle of the loaves. And ultimately, I miss God.

Just to give you some frame of reference, we’re in Mark chapter 6 where Jesus has just fed five thousand men with only five loaves of bread.  It’s a story that if you’ve grown up in church, you’ve probably heard it 100 times… at least. But don’t miss the significance, because that’s exactly what the disciples did.

Jesus walks on water and calms a storm less than 24 hours after the whole feeding five thousand people incident, and the disciples are STILL completely astonished by what Jesus can do. Almost every translation describes the disciples in this way, “for their hearts were hardened.”  It’s as if they still did not believe Jesus was who he said he was, regardless of the miracles they had witnessed. I personally like the way the NASB puts it, “Then He got into the boat with them and the wind stopped; and they were utterly astonished, for they had not gained any insight from the incident of the loaves, but their heart was hardened.”

Hardened- from the Greek word “poroo” – to petrify; to render stupid or callous

Insensitive, deaden, stiffen

They. had not. gained. any. insight. Their hearts were hardened and their mind was closed.

I don’t want to be “utterly astonished” that God can do something. I want to revel in the belief that from what I’ve seen Him do, there is still more to discover. I want to sit on the miracles that he HAS done and believe for more. I don’t want to be like the disciples by lacking insight and understanding of God’s power. I don’t want my heart to be hardened. To be blind. To be insensitive. To miss HIM.

“Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: ‘Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? Don’t you remember? When I broke the five loaves for five thousand... Do you still not understand?’”

Mark 8:17-21

For He is capable of ALL things, whether we choose to take it to heart or not.

All my love,

Paige

You Are There

I wrote this poem two months ago sitting on the floor in the Neuro intensive care unit of a hospital while awaiting test results regarding my father-in-law's stroke. After dealing with two deaths less than a month before, I was left reeling with too many emotions. Figuring out how to comfort and support my heartbroken husband of only four months, and struggling with my own fears and doubts in the situation, I felt God pressing me to write this. I hope it speaks comfort to you, no matter where you're at.
______________________________

In the pain of the day
and the silence of the night
You are there

In my moments of weakness
and my failing of strength
You are there

In my lack of understanding
and my foolish impatience
You are there

In the fears that overwhelm
and when peace feels out of reach
You are there

In the laughter of children
and our praise sung loud
You are there

In the tears of a mother
and the longings of a father
You are there

In my silent prayers
and my lack of words
You are there

In the sweetness of my husband's love
and the acceptance of my family
You are there

In my cries of frustration
and the anger that plagues me
You are there

In the moments of my sin
and my decisions of disobedience
You are there

When I'm disciplined out of love
and directed for greater good
You are there

When the world seems too much
and life feels stuck
You are there

You are there in every moment
You are there in every trial
You are there when I'm lonely
You are there when I can't stand
You are there when I fall
You are there when I get up again
Your love never leaves me, it never fails me, it never lets go


All my love,

Paige


"...and they shall call his name IMMANUEL, which means 'GOD WITH US'."
Matthew 1:23

My Middle C

"When Lloyd Douglas, author of The Robe and other novels, attended college, he lived in a boardinghouse. A retired, wheelchair-bound music professor resided on the first floor. Each morning Douglas would stick his head in the door of the teacher's apartment and ask the same question, 'Well, what's the good news?' The old man would pick up his tuning fork, tap it on the side of the wheelchair, and say, 'That's middle C! It was middle C yesterday; it will be middle C tomorrow; it will be middle C a thousand years from now. The tenor upstairs sings flat. The piano across the hall is out of tune, but, my friend, that is middle C.'

You and I need a middle C. Haven't you had enough change in your life? Relationships change. Health changes. The weather changes. But the Yahweh who ruled the earth last night is the same Yahweh who rules it today. Same convictions. Same plan. Same mood. Same love. He never changes. You can no more alter God than a pebble can alter the rhythm of the Pacific. Yahweh is our middle C. A still point in a turning world."      -Traveling Light

Stephen and I are in a rough season where family, health, jobs and living situations are all up in the air. They have been constantly changing and shifting in the past three months that it seems like the moment we finally pop up for air, the waves overcome us, pulling us down again. Thankfully, we have an anchor, a middle C, to hold on to and we are not at the mercy of the waves.

I have been meditating on and thinking of the names and characteristics of God a lot throughout this season. My eyes fixed on who God is... not on the constant waves of change surrounding us.

Here is some of my list. God is...
Truth. Holy. Righteousness. Pure. ALWAYS good. Faithful. Loving. Kind. Compassionate. Just. Creator. Adonai. The Name above all names. Eternal. All-Sufficient. Everlasting. Provider. the God who sees me. Beautiful. Worthy of praise. Slow to anger. Merciful. Gracious. Humble. Strong. Joyful. Savior.

He is my middle C. Unchanging. Unwavering. Constant. Sure. All of those things listed above, he will be them today, tomorrow, and twenty years from now. I can be certain in the uncertainty.



All my love,

Paige

New Look

Hop on over to my "New Beginnings" page to see what's happening with me and my blog, and to see what to look forward to next!

Have a happy Friday!


All my love,

Paige

Where in the World is Paige Kelsey?

Hi All,

First of all, I sincerely apologize for my inconsistency with keeping everyone updated. God has really been pressing on my heart for quite some time to become better with my communication. My goal moving forward is to publish something at least once every two weeks. You may all hold me accountable if I fail. :)

God has been doing a lot in my heart over the past year (the last time I updated this was when I was in Africa a year ago!) and I look forward to slowly bringing everyone up to speed.

Currently I'm living in Cincinnati, Ohio working part-time as an Aquatics Coordinator at a local YMCA and part-time as a Youth Pastor at a church in Northern Kentucky.

I still firmly believe God has written missions and ministry deep within my heart. I am definitely in a season of learning and patiently waiting on the Lord. Some days life can seem really slow and worthless, but I know God is using even the "worthless" days to place in me a desire for something much higher and greater than myself.

Love you all. Thank you so much for the incredible support and encouragement each one of you has given me over the past year and half! I am unbelievably blessed by all of you.


All my love,
Paige

Tanzania!

Two weeks ago I arrived in Tanzania for the outreach portion of my DTS. We will be traveling to three different YWAM bases within the country. We’ve already stayed at the base in Dar Es Salaam and just a few days ago moved to Arusha. I will be here in Arusha for a little over three weeks. The last stop is YWAM Kilimanjaro.

Adjusting to life here has been a very difficult for me, and each base has proven to have its own challenges. Just a few of the challenges for me have been: no running water, bucket showers, eastern toilets, very little internet access, hand washing clothes, major dietary changes, and such a simple lifestyle in general.

But God has really been using this time to shape my character and teach me more about myself and who He desires me to be in Him. One of the biggest lessons I’ve been learning is to praise God and thank Him for everything and in every circumstance.

These are just a few praises I’ve had in the past couple of days:

God, I praise you during this time of illness because in my weakness I am made strong.

God, thank you for no running water because through this I am able to experience a different way of life.

God, I praise you when I haven’t slept in a month because I’m learning to rely on your strength alone.

God, I thank you for stretching my limits so that I am able to become more like you.

God, I praise you during 10 hour bus rides in 100 degree heat because your joy has consumed my heart.

God, I thank you that you never fail to show up to encourage and strengthen me when I feel like I’m going to completely fall apart.

A lifestyle of praise and thanksgiving can be hard to cultivate, but as I started to do it, my whole outlook on life changed. More than ever, I’ve begun to see things as God sees them. It seemed easy to sit at home in my comfortable lifestyle and mourn for the poverty and destruction happening across the world. But it’s completely different to be immersed in it. I will never be able to look at life the same. God has really opened my eyes to see His heart – in all of its sorrow, joy and love.

This next week I will be staying with the Maasai tribe from Tuesday until Sunday. It will, again, be completely different than anything I’ve experienced so far.  

This is a verse I’ve been reading a lot lately, and have just fallen in love with.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,

To gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

Mungu awa bariki. (God Bless You)